Times are proving to be very difficult right now. There are so many things that are going wrong so many things that are moving to fast things that are not going the way that I ever wanted it to go. I guess I will start from the biggest thing, of course its about a guy. I've liked this guy for months and months on end lets say his name is...Sean. He is the perfect guy for me, he has a little girl that is the cutest kid ever, he is a nice and caring guy even though he might not show it all the time but he really is. Well me and him started to get things going and things were going good. He had to move back to his home town for a month which was quite a ways a way but we talked pretty much every night for hours on end and we were getting along really well. When he got back it was wonderful for a quite a while but then things started to slip and one day it just kind of ended. He wouldn't talk to me much and we kinda of just stopped talking all together. Than things started to pick up again and I thought things were going back to normal and this lasted for a few weeks but than it all ended again. He started to talk about other girls around me and tell me about some that he was talking to. He knows that I really like him. We never really dated so I can't say he was cheating on me but yet it kind of felt like it cause well we were kind of close. Than he stopped talking again and ended up getting a different cell so his cell number changed and never told me about it even though I got it through a friend but he doesn't know that for all I know. Than one day I saw and found out he had girlfriend. That night was the first time I cried myself to sleep in a long long time. Since he knows how much I like him and how I fully feel about him, and we have known each other for 6 to 7 months at this time yet he did this. One of my best friends keeps telling me that he is just no good and that he is ass but yet I still have major feelings for him. I still have times where he is all I can think about, times were I still cry myself to sleep cause of him, times where I just sit there while words that were said or memories run through my mind. I don't think I will ever get over him no matter how much he hurts me. Ya at times I do see that I am stupid for still likeing him so much but yet every time I see him which isn't much but every time I do my heart still skips a beat and I lose my ability to breath for a bit. It never seems to fail. So when ever I see him I don't say any thing even though there is so many things that I want to yell out so many things I want to get out there. I don't know if doing that is helping any or just making things worse but the more I do it the more it seems to hurt than help. I don't know what to do any more, or what to think. I don't know if I should say something to him or just go up to him and bitch him out yet I know if I do I will end up crying in front of him which I don't know if I want to do that cause I'm not big into crying in public. I don't know what to do, if you have any advise for me it would be greatly appreciated!!
There is more that I want to talk about but I just cant anymore cause that was harder to write and say than I thought it would be. So I will have to finish it at a different time. Sorry if you were looking forward to it.
Thank you for all your help and support if you comment, and Thank you even if you read this cause you are probley the first person to. Thank you for listening and reading all my babbling and ranting.
With all my heart,
Kristina
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